Plebs 1 - 0 Sarkozy

It's official: the French are revolting.

As you're no doubt aware, France is in the grip of massive retaliatory strikes against Sarko's plan to raise the standard retirement age to a scandalous 62. But the brave, patriotic men of Ligue 1 choose to soldier on and, inspired by them, I have abandoned my satirical placard and crate of Molotov cocktails, and reached instead for my laptop. As Paris smoulders and the mob swells, I fear for the city's broadband networks. Such desperate times call for brevity so, without further ado, I offer you a thirty second round-up of this weekend's developments in the French top flight.

Rennes suffered their first defeat of the season; at home to Montpellier. Had Dimitri Payet - the league's highest scorer with eight goals in ten matches - converted a penalty during injury time, St. Etienne would have beaten Caen and thus replaced Rennes as leaders.

Despite recent signs of the big three stirring from their summer hangovers, only Marseille secured maximum points. Victory over Lille propels them from seventh to second, level with St. Etienne and Brest who are newly promoted yet haven't conceded since August. Brest's latest triumph: 0-2 versus Bordeaux. The Girondins can take some solace in another abject performance by Lyon, their supposed championship rivals. Claude Puel's side drew with whipping boys Arles-Avignon; a result that will surely accelerate his dismissal.

At the wrong end of the table, Lens and Monaco accompany Arles-Avignon in the relegation zone. Auxerre, evidently deflated by their experience in the Champions League, climbed to 15th thanks to an impressive win over PSG. Although the Parisians now find themselves in sixth place, I'm not alone in thinking that they're the best balanced of the front-runners: PSG's massive fanbase has been daring to contemplate a first championship title since 1994.

Elsewhere, teams nobody cares about lost to teams that almost nobody cares about.

Long live the Republic.